The doctor was late. I sat soothing my extremely punctual fuming but stressed patient that this problem was geography agnostic. A young woman whose face and neck were selectively covered with numbing cream sat waiting with her extremely voluble well-heeled mother. As I listened to the mother, I realized that our appointment was delayed because of their bulldozing their way in sans appointment. It was my turn to be annoyed! Thankfully the doctor apologized for the delay when she met us. She expressed her frustration at the unscheduled meeting and how she had wanted to speak to the mother about the problems it caused, but her young patient had begged her not to do so because her mother ‘…has anger management issues’. I am certain that the mother’s issue contributed to the young woman’s skin breaking out so violently.

All of us get angry. While I believe that it is healthy to be angry sometimes, it is important to know how to be angry. I read the best explanation of it more than three decades ago; it is attributed to Aristotle.

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.

We often get angry when we don’t get our way. I am no stranger to it. If I don’t watch out, I will become the old woman mad at the birds for singing on my terrace! The only saving grace is that I stopped bottling the anger for future use. Many do it with panache. They remember all the past issues and hurl them at the hapless opponent at an opportune moment. But that does tremendous damage to your insides, and to your relationships. It is best to let it out quickly, but mindfully. In a manner that allows you to address the problem without leading yourself or someone else to develop ulcers or stress-based acne. Also, one must not blow things out of proportion. Losing it because your appointment is late is only deleterious to you. It is much better to expect delays (and carry a book) if the habitually tardy person is important to you; you can also choose NOT to meet because the wait aggravates you.

It is best to not be angry, but we are human and don’t live in Utopia. There are times when you will be angry. Either forgive and forget (difficult but possible) or fight and move on (more likely). But fight fair: attack the issue and not the person. You don’t want to make someone else angry or sad. And always pick someone your size!