‘You know, I am telling you because I have more experience…’. Said my client. A man. A reasonably smart man. The irony of the situation was that the ‘more’ experienced person did not know that I was years older than him, with yes, you guessed it ‘more’ experience in possible most spheres of life. More recently, another client, a much younger man, again a more than reasonably smart man, someone who has set up a rather successful business in the last 7 years, offered to meet me post our current engagement to share his wisdom in automating some parts of what I do. My business completed 30 glorious years this month. I say it merely to establish a baseline, certainly not competing. There has never been a desire to compete with a whole group of people who I do not consider my peers. Why do men assume that they have been sent to earth to educate women?

I am happy to get advice. Sometimes. Even from men. But don’t patronize me just because you believe that just being from Mars makes you smarter. Do not get me wrong. I don’t hate men. In fact, one of my greatest shortcomings is that I am inordinately fond of the men in my life. I would easily classify as one of the ‘women who love too much’. The male gender has my complete admiration. Why else would I have loved my dog so much! He amused me as much as the men do but, he did not patronize me. To be honest, any communication between us left me reeling from his unbounded affection. So, whatever follows is not the rant of someone who does not like men. I don’t like Mansplaining.  

There are many things I don’t know. Some of these are totally due to ignorance and others due to choice. Reading the newspaper made me unhappy so I try to avoid it as much as possible. I would rather be an ostrich than be more informed of all the bad things happening in the world. There’s always Google and now ChatGpt. I don’t know many details about the various wars being fought around the world because I am busy dousing fires in my small circle so that they don’t become infernos. The ringside view of dramas in the lives of people around us often precludes the need to watch TV. Many of my skills have been learned on the job – as a parent, professional, family member, and neighbour. Roles that have provided insights into issues and people I care more about. If I do not follow processes, it is mostly out of choice and an understanding of their usefulness in contexts in which I am working. I don’t need productivity tools because if I were any more productive, I would be a rabbit.

If you truly wish to learn how to manage multiple projects, ask a working mother! Once you have managed the home for a day, have dealt with ‘important’ people like the spouse, parents, children, house help, and pets; and concurrently been the best professional you can be, you would have earned the right to advise. Until then, be a fly on the wall – don’t probe the thought process of women. You will be lost – they are the only ones who can deal with the multiple threads in their heads. We have heard about linear thinking. I, for one, know it is not for me because then I would need 100 hours in my day to finish all that I want to. Yes, it’s crazy to think that someone would want to do so many things. I would rather be called mad than be advised because, you see, there is a method to my madness.

And be very careful when the desire to educate women overtakes you. Some of us are old school – we don’t care about invalidation; we just get angry. My understanding of biology has let me know that my depleting estrogen levels make me dangerous. Oh, it’s also bringing me closer to becoming a man. So, wait. Possibly, I would become smarter too. Until then, lay off the desire to mansplain because ‘People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those who do.’