In the last twenty years, I have had many conversations with my mother. I have thought about her deeply but always in the context of the people she left behind – the people who were deeply impacted by her leaving the earth too early.

Over the last couple of years though as I neared the magic age that marked the end of her life, I have found myself thinking about her differently: as the person she was, not in the context of her relationships. I now can see the immense fortitude and selflessness with which she lived her last years, being so many things to so many people even though she must have been in much pain. It is a shock to realize how brave and graceful she was even when dealing with the issue of her imminent mortality. I have belatedly wondered about her desires and dreams. Like most people, I set new goals every week and like the majority, I fail to meet many howsoever simple they may seem. But optimism leads me to set them again. It is hard to comprehend how she must have felt about the dreams she knew that would possibly never have the chance to be fulfilled. She had, like often mothers do, given her all to everyone around her.

What I do realize, and she amplifies it through her short life, is that life is NOW. This is it. The time to do all that we want. The time to pursue hobbies and trips that have been relegated to the future. The time to live, to love, to build, to laugh, and to be all one has ever wanted to be.